I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
