Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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