I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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