So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
there is glitter all over my balls
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
