wakey wakey hands off snakey
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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