I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
