she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
