You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
