I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize