I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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