I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
