This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize