In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
