Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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