I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
