I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize