Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
