90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
