like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
