I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
