I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
