just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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