I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
