We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
