Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
do herpes really smell.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
