Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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