Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
