I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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