Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize