She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
my liver is dry heaving
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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