Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
