You work out of a Hotel?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
