WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
