I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
