sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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