my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
