I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
