My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Someone stole a lamp last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
