Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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