i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
