The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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