so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
