I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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