Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
