This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
cat food counts as protein by the way
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
