I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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