I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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