So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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