As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
