Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
