i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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