im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
