Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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