you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
