Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is my gift to your gina
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
