Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
