Your face is a jimmy john
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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