I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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