I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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