YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
