He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
