Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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