found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
