You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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