you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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