I can tuck mytits in my pants
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
