if i died would you start the facebook group?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
