Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
