I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize