...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
