if i died would you start the facebook group?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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