Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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